When days are lonely…

I woke with a soft start this morning, prior to a peculiarly bizarre dream, in which I was attending classes in my old high school block that was miraculously set on a cruise ship. The girl I’m having a crush with is somewhat marrying an old friend of mine, Daryl, someone I used to call my best friend during primary school. I remembered saying “You both look good with each other,” (while going GARGH!!! inside) before pushing past a throng of reporters and photographers called to witness the biggest wedding of the year. I was at the ship’s lobby when a lot of weird stuff happened; droplets of water was floating from the floor to the ceiling where it formed a big bubble of water. The in burst into a heavy shower and flooded the corridors, and mice were swimming about looking fairly menacing. I was at the point of swatting at them with a yellow pipe when I woke up with my left arm completely limp. Turned out that I was sleeping on my arm, and it took a lot of lifting and finger-flexing to bring it back to function.

It was 5 in the morning. The aircond was menacingly cold, but I was feeling stuffy for some reason. I tried to sleep, but the dream came back to haunt me a little bit (especially that part where Daryl and her blushed when I uttered my line), so I sat up in frustration. In the midst of darkness, under the serene hum of the aircond and the quiet whirr of my computer, there was this sudden sense of utter loneliness. I reflected this for a while as the blood circulation of my previously limp hand stung me into total wakefulness. How long was it into my holidays now? I had spent everyday in the confines of the house, only heading out for a few chores and foods, and devoid of communication with fellow friends, save a few of those who stuck to their Internet services like rust to nails. And that’s only a few people. I haven’t been texting anyone, and no one in particular had sought the initiative to text me (not that they have reasons to, anyways). I’ve practically holed myself up for the holidays, and now it has hit me with full force. It’s going to be a very, very lonely month.

Mom skirted off to another vacation (yet again). I fetched her to the station this morning, and waited with her for the train to arrive. The sky was a canvas of depression and immense gloominess that only someone demented like Dorian Gray could paint, and it was one particular morning where the winds were being an ass for once. I watched mom’s train disappear down the tracks before making my way back to the car (and stumbling up the stairs in my haste… stupid slippers). I stopped by the chee cheong fun stall at the market for my usual morning bliss (people have coffee and toast; I have chee cheong fun with chili and chili only). It was a comforting, warm ordeal of eating and listening to gossips that I cannot comprehend, where the marketing uncles and aunties flock by to enthusiastically convey their news in a deluge of multiple Chinese dialects while picking fishballs from the steaming pot of soup.

Home soon became an empty haven. Dad and bro was off to work, and mom would be at work as well on normal days. The maid is often too busy or exasperated (by me) to keep me company and the PS2 quickly becomes old. I couldn’t bring myself to start on The Eldest, having forgotten everything from the previous book. And ever since I accidentally deleted something I’ve written halfway through, I’m rather unmotivated to write for the moment. No one to chat with, online or off. No one to play the PS2 with. No one to play badminton with. No one for anything. One shouldn’t have reasons to be bored, but I guess loneliness is an exceptional excuse.

I was even wishing that dad would come home soon.

At 7.45 he called home to say that he won’t be having dinner with me. By then the maid had already cooked for 3, so I sat alone at the dinner table watching Shaolin Soccer and trying not to waste the food. The maid retired to her slumber early, and I was left to my own solitude. Nothing was on TV, and as if I haven’t had enough of it for the evening. I was afraid to go into the room to chance for someone on the internet for fear that someone would come home and have no one to unlock the doors. Dad called just earlier to say that he’ll be late. Brother came back at 11 p.m. (while I was close to singing ‘All by Myself’ quietly at the living room), but as usual he was soon in the room doing whatever he does.

Here I sit, typing this at the laptop with Sugar Sugar from The Archies playing softly through the in-built speakers, wondering what the heck is heck and pondering what in blazes are blazes.

And this is what boredom+loneliness can do: an ugly pic :P

I’m having an urge to SMS Amanda, but stole I glanced at MSN earlier and she’s not online, so I guess she’s asleep. I’m wishing that she’d send me one of those random midnight sms-es too… those that I often regret not being awake to reply. Because for once I’m able to reply, and will very gladly do so.

For now, I guess, what’s left in to say goodnight.

Goodnight mon belle ami, and goodnight people.

Word of the Day:

opprobrium

1. Disgrace; infamy; reproach mingled with contempt.
2. A cause or object of reproach or disgrace.

Song of the Day: Sugar Sugar by The Archies.

Currently Reading: The Eldest.

Previously Finished: Artemis Fowl and The Lost Colony (personal favourite!)