Up when I shouldn't.

It’s 11 at night or so, and I’m wondering what I’m doing here, sitting up typing this when I should’ve been asleep. And I REALLY should be sleeping, having only slept 3 hours last night, and now the head is toiling with pleads that I should just hit the sack. But I have a couple of stuff to get off my chest, though I doubt I can really go all out here in this publicly viewed blog, but it’s gonna be a relief, at least in a small way.

Brother is stirring. I should avoid typing loudly (a habit of mine, which is an attempt to simulate the sensation of using a typewriter). I’ve spent an hour or less creating relatively similar pie-charts for my Bahasa Malaysia assignment, feeling that the overall theme and topic of it could’ve been so much better. But it’s my fault for missing out all those discussions, and now I’m practically someone head-butting into a group expecting to do nothing and gain marks for it. In case you haven’t noticed, I have a general loathing for people who do this without realising their wrong, so I very much despise the fact that I’m so close to being one.

Somehow I was glad that the assignment wasn’t fully completed… and I get to help pitch in a thing or two. Yeah, well, it’s actually making my week three times more hectic that it should’ve been, but at least I don’t need to live with the guilt of being a hypocrite (I am one, perhaps, subconsciously and without knowing).

Still, extra work can be a bummer, especially when it means that I don’t get sufficient time to hit a decent sleep, and tomorrow I have to miss out on a dinner with my aunt. I miss my aunt and family… they are, somewhat, my preferable ‘second-family’, though our lifestyles and er… social culture are poles apart. But I guess work is work…

Today felt like a heavy baggage stuffed with unnecessary clothes and jumbled up underwear… I was feeling like crap. Tired, lethargic; signs of staying up late trying to catch the finals of the World Cup. Then there was that shot of envy and jealously, which was totally stupid and childish of me. But it’s one of those things where you know you’re being utterly pathetic to allow it to happen, but it just deluged you anyway, whether you like it or not.

So much for feeling optimistic and cheerful. I’m feeling like a sandbag collecting dust as the buffalo drags it up the beaten track. And fuck myself for feeling so. It’s stupid. Plain stupid. Stu-fucking-pid. Yet it nags down your heart like some persistent asshole trying to prove his point. These feelings should be long gone when I made my most recent resolutions. Sigh. It’ll take a couple of days.

Well, emotional baggage checked in into Flight 749, bound to Tomorrow where I have to collect it and heave it throughout the day once more. Time I hit the sack (my GOD my suckiness can tip the entire city of Ipoh into the Malacca Strait).

Goodnight people.

Word of the day: cap-a-pie ~ From head to foot; at all points.

Song of the day: For You I Will by Teddy Geiger.

" I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will "