The night before...

Tension is in the air, heavy and depressing, somewhat, to those who prefer an air of light and comfort. While it wasn’t any worse than situations of imminent and impending dread; those moments when the very particle of air suffocates and confines you in a cell of swirling condemnation, the tension is enough to tug at the spine so that discomfort looms around discreetly but can be felt at every breathe.

It was clear that everyone was affected, excluding the maid who wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, be worried in things such as this. To my right now, the 3 black joss sticks burn themselves out placidly, the sweet but smoky scent circulated around the table by my fan. Dad had saw that he should perform some prayers by himself. No doubt wishing and praying for luck for my brother’s exam tomorrow.

Perhaps I should be praying as well; offering more joss sticks, or perhaps just go in a silent prayer in front every deity. But no, not now, perhaps. Maybe later. I don’t want my brother and father seeing me to it. Why? I don’t know why.

Perhaps I’m concerned; truthfully and honestly worried, of my brother and his exams. Think back weeks before, I wasn’t even bothered to know when the exam is coming, or comprehending the severity and importance of it all. Now, it seemed that the weight of the tension has settled on my shoulder as well, constricting my breathing and multiplying my anxiety. Sighing isn’t working now. I find myself had half-willingly forgiven the moments my brother had (somewhat) ungraciously pissed me off while I helped him memorize his stuff. I guess it’s better like this. I was quite ready place all my ranting, complaints and profanity in this post and aim it at him.

My brother is already in a state that borders between sanity and dropping into the dark chasm of craziness and lunatic-ism (insanity). The last time I helped him memorize, it was as though his mind came to a decision to stop functioning for the night. He was aware of it, thankfully, and he told me he don’t intend to fry his brains and go mindless at the exam hall tomorrow. But he was already tired, DEAD tired. When we were memorizing (a couple of minutes earlier, one last effort), his temper had increased two-fold. He couldn’t remember if I had mentioned something before, and he couldn’t remember whether or not he told me to stop or which stuff he didn’t want to hear. He was stating cases 2 pages away and then reverts back to the current pages, leaving me baffled and confused, and then he would get pissed off by it.

I’m starting to feel wasted myself. Spending almost the entire day helping my bro memorize, I’m close to losing it as well, especially during times when my brother started to prod at my limits. I can’t totally blame him from blasting his temper, but one can’t help but feel ticked-off, and I’m doing it voluntarily and under my obligation as a younger brother.

I’m so wasted that I declined to join my cousin Ivan to the Motorshow tomorrow. But then I’m quite broke here, and I’d rather spend tomorrow on the ps2. Sorry Ivan. But as usual, you’re better off without me.

Goodnight people.

Word of the day: Vicarious

1->Felt or undergone as if one were taking part in the experience or feelings of another: read about mountain climbing and experienced vicarious thrills.
2->Endured or done by one person substituting for another: vicarious punishment.
3->Acting or serving in place of someone or something else; substituted.
4->Committed or entrusted to another, as powers or authority; delegated.
5->Physiology. Occurring in or performed by a part of the body not normally associated with a certain function.

Still Reading: American Gods and countless amounts of those law shits I had and still have to deal with.

Anime of the day: Tsubasa Chronicles ep 30, and KIBA ep 9.

Song of the day: Bitches Ain’t Shit by Ben Folds Five.